is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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