I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
