I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
