the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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