just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
