He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
