it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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