I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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