when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
