Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize