Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
