You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Two words: blizzard sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
