I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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