Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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