Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
