she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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