I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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