and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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