so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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