i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
