Please, let me fuck your mom
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
