Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize