Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
