my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
