Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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