dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
