those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
