you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
