She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
