OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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