is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize