1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dick very happy bro
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize