I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
