I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
