Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
