): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
