I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
