You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize