i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
