it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Congratulations! We have a period
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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