I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
