mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
