the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
