Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
