she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I could fuck to npr.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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