Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
