Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
