I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
