1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
