Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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