This gyro tastes like lonliness
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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