Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
