and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
