How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
