I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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