I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize