So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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