Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
