new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
