i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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