I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
