apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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