thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
