The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
