i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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