so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
