alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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