Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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