you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
