I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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