I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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