Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
