Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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