official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
