how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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