wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
