I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i will never coherently bang her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
