i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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