He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
