the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
